Rule 2 of Cosmetic Work - A Deep Dive
Understand that cosmetic work alone (no matter how good your surgeon) will not change your life and is not a substitute for the deep inner work of self-acceptance and fierce self-love.
I’m going to retype the subtitle and put it IN BOLD. It is really, really important to me that you get this:
Understand that cosmetic work alone (no matter how good your surgeon) will not change your life and is not a substitute for the deep inner work of self-acceptance and fierce self-love.
This is probably the most important rule of all, although I hate to play favourites…
I have had (comparatively) a lot of work. I’m happy with all of it. Delighted, in some cases. And I’m profoundly grateful for the time and energy that liking my reflection has given me back. I still have some vulnerabilities about my appearance, but they no longer impact my overall sense of wellbeing.
But please know: the best outcome that you can hope for is for the body part that you’ve had ‘done’ stops bothering/obsessing you. No more than this is possible.
And that outcome isn’t guaranteed.
Cosmetic work is not going to suddenly make you more lovable, more desirable or more fulfilled. It won’t make you a better parent or lover or partner or family member.
What it can do, is take away things that are fuelling negative thoughts in your brain and that provides the opportunity for other, happier, thoughts to replace them. What infinite possibilities that invites!
If a mole on your body is driving you mad: Good news! That mole no longer has to drive you mad.
If you hate that the lines on your face are a reminder of unpleasant memories: Good news! Those lines can be taken away.
If you find it hard to find clothes that fit because your boobs are too big/too small/the wrong shape and you’re sick of leaving changing rooms feeling dejected: Good news! You can change the size and shape of your boobs.
How you feel after any of these procedures depends on how you feel about yourself. You may find out post the work that that body part wasn’t the issue at all and start fixating on something else. This is a slippery slope and it’s one of many reasons why we should be more open about the work we’ve had done.
How we feel about the way that we look has only the faintest correlation to our physical features.
There are ACTUAL supermodels, who are literally employed because of their extraordinary beauty, who have cripplingly low self-esteem.
Worse, for every supermodel, there will be tens of thousands of people on the internet falling over themselves to prove that said supermodel is ackshually horrifically, appallingly, life-destroyingly ugly.
There are also people who - by subjective beauty standards - are unattractive, but are radiant. Their faces and bodies don’t have everything in the ‘right’ place, per accepted norms, but you can’t stop looking at them. They’re beautiful, even though they don’t conform to any principle that you’ve been told makes a person physically beautiful.
Cosmetic work is supplementary, it’s not corrective. It can’t turn you into a person that you aren’t.
If you’re a person with cripplingly low self-esteem and a big nose and you get a nose job, you’ll likely wake up post-surgery to find that you’re now a person with cripplingly low self and a smaller nose that you’re not happy with, because you still fucking hate yourself.
Understand cosmetic work’s limitations and be really, really honest about what outcome you’re really looking for. A brow lift isn’t going to magically make you feel as though you were hugged enough as a child.
If undertaken intentionally and consciously, cosmetic work can be an absolute pleasure.
But be very aware that by choosing cosmetic work, you’re trying to shortcut through the inner work of seeing yourself at all times as already being the greatest and most awesome possible version of yourself.
It is entirely possible to train your mind to see whatever you want to see whenever you look in the mirror and to decide how every person that crosses your path reacts to you. With enough time and effort, you can greet the most beautiful version of yourself every day and float through life believing that everyone you encounter thinks you’re the most incredibly vibrant and gorgeous creature that they’ve ever met.
It's possible, but it’s a lot more fucking difficult than paying someone a few hundred quid to stick stuff in your face every few months. And you may decide the latter option is more accessible and less exhausting.
It is absolutely ok to make this choice but please acknowledge that that’s the choice that you’re making and, in the long run, it’s the less sustainable option.
I obviously have made the choice to get cosmetic work many times and will almost certainly continue to do so, but I do it in tandem with substantial self-care work and I’m a lot healthier as a result of adopting a combined approach.
Cosmetic work can change the way you look outwardly, but only you can change the way you perceive yourself inwardly. Please, never lose sight of this.
Any cosmetic work undertaken should be in accordance with the other five rules. Here they are, in case you missed them the first time…
