Some Inconvenient Truths
What's scarier than Halloween? This... 😱😱😱
I still get the same questions again and again, both on AMAs here and IRL1.
Everyone wants to know the guaranteed silver bullet that will transform their appearance in a single product or procedure, or cannot understand why that face cream that their BFF swears by didn’t leave them with her radiant, dewy glow.
So, here’s some stuff that you may not thank me for in the short-term, but that will likely be helpful in your longer-term journey with your appearance.
Rule 2 still supersedes virtually anything else
Here it is YET AGAIN for the people at the back: Understand that cosmetic work alone (no matter how good your surgeon) will not change your life and is not a substitute for the deep inner work of self-acceptance and fierce self-love.
This applies not just to cosmetic work, but to any negative inner-wrangling you may have with yourself about your appearance.
The best possible, most sustainable, thing you can do in the pursuit of a healthy self-image is to love yourself exactly as you are and exactly as you become.
Mirror work can help
Shadow work can help
Inner child work can help
Meditation can help
Stopping comparisons to others can help
As you will have read a mere 30-90 seconds ago2, there are no silver bullets here, but your relationship with yourself is the most significant contributor to how you feel about the way that you look.
It is not easy. I am nowhere near 100% acceptance of how I look at any given moment, but at least I know that about myself. Small steps. And I do, mostly, smile at myself in the mirror.
Skin-ageing is largely down to your gene pool
Your skin type and genes are the primary determinants of how you look, age, respond to treatment and heal. Even more than lifestyle.
Obviously, if you become a committed meth addict at 18, you’re unlikely to have fantastic skin at 35, but some people can steadfastly ignore all skincare advice and still rarely break out, or may have fewer lines on their faces than someone else who has moisturised religiously (in upwards, sweeping motions) their entire lives.
This isn’t fair, but, y’know....
Lifestyle (which I will talk about in mere moments) can help you to improve or offset your genetic legacy. And people with great genes can squander these with hard living and a general lack of care for themselves.
But most of the future of your face and body came with you into the world.
There are no one-size-fits-all miracle products or procedures
Slavishly applying products that someone else uses, or getting procedures that mimic theirs, does not guarantee that you will be able to replicate their results. They’ll have infinite other factors that are contributing to the perceived success or failure of any product or procedure3.
Of course, you can look to others for inspiration, but unless you know the minutiae of their skin type and their family medical history, it can only ever be a loose guide rather than a guarantee.
Equally, something may have transformative results for you that ‘failed’ for others.
The only way for you to find what works for you is trial and error whilst minimising risk. Get to it 😊.
Skin conditions don’t discriminate
Why, whhhyyyy did YOU get cystic acne, psoriasis, rosacea, vitiligo etc?
Just… because. This shit is a lottery4.
Environmental factors are still important
As much as your genes play the largest part in how you can expect to age/what your healing process will look like, all of the following are still important considerations if you’re trying to reduce the visible signs of ageing.
Skincare is important
Getting good quality, consistent sleep helps5
Being stress-free helps
Smoking (including vaping) and drinking are very bad for your skin.
UVA and UVB light can be an effective treatment for several types of eczema and psoriasis, but are also responsible for sun-ageing the skin.
The best time to do rejuvenation work is just before you actually need it.
Caveat: preventative Botox is not a thing6. Save your money.
However, if you’re considering a facelift/eyelid lift, be aware that the best time to get one is before menopause. The collagen loss associated with menopause means that your skin loses laxity that is advantageous to your swift recovery/getting the best results.
If you were planning to get surgery at 55 and you’re yet to go through the menopause, you might want to accelerate those plans.
Virtually nothing will magically make you prettier overnight.
I cover my own experiences of this here:
You are almost certainly overpaying for your skincare
More on that here
For any of you still learning the internet, this is Ask Me Anything/In Real Life.
No judgement
Reminder that this is why before and after photos aren’t that meaningful
Another, immense, version of this:
Those of you with young children may be shaking your fists at the screen right now. I did say that this was going to be inconvenient.
There is ONE study of this, from 2006, that compares ONE set of identical twins’ results and does not detail any differences in skincare or lifestyle between the two twins. It helps to sell a lot of Botox, but there are no peer-reviewed large-scale clinical trials that show that preventative Botox is of any value.